humour

Jonathan Lewis's picture

Reorg

A current question on the OTN database forum asks: “What’s the difference between object and tablespace reorganization?” Here’s an analogy to address the question.

I have three crates of Guiness in the boot (trunk) of my car, one crate has 4 bottles left, one has 7 bottles left and one has 2 bottles. I also have two cases of Louis Roederer Brut NV champagne, one case has 2 bottles left and one has only one. (I have two objects in my tablespace – one of type Beer, one of type Champagne – and my boot requires manual free space management .)

I move all the Guiness bottles into a single crate and all the champagne bottles into a single case. That’s a couple of “shrink space compact” calls – I’ve re-organised the objects to get all the bottles in each object close to each other, but the crates are still taking up space in the boot.

mwidlake's picture

Nice Social Media Profile Picture! Oh… Err…

A few (months/weeks/days/hours)* ago I saw a friend request on Facebook. I looked at their profile which indicated that they were kind-of in my technical arena and the profile picture made me think “Wow – that’s an attractive person!” and I was about to click on the accept button.

And stopped.

I only friend people on Facebook who I know. By that I mean I have either met in real life and liked or have had a LOT of contact with through social media and liked. People who, if they were delayed at Stansted airport at midnight and needed a place to sleep, I’d be happy to go pick them up and bring them home to stay in my spare room.

mwidlake's picture

Friday Philosophy: Be A Hero – OR Be The Best

There is a crisis! The database is not responding, the apps can’t work and the business is suffering. Management are doing what management are there for – panicking and demanding “Someone Do Something!!!”.

Step forward a DBA who logs into the server, checks the alert logs, spots what is wrong and fixes it. The database starts processing requests, the applications are all working fine and the business is back on track. What a hero!

mwidlake's picture

Friday Philosophy – You Lot are Weird

I mean this in the nicest way, but some of you lot are weird. I’m not aiming this at individuals (though there of plenty of “personalities” amongst you) but at whole damned countries.

One thing about social media is that when you tweet, blog, facebook or whatever – you are potentially communicating beyond your own culture. This is especially true when you are doing so to a community that is spread across the globe in the way I.T. is. Maybe most of you think this is blindingly obvious {perhaps as it is} but although I think of myself as intelligent and aware – for the first 2 or 3 years of blogging I hardly considered that some of my audience would not be from the UK and thus not understand any cultural references I made about television, books, sport, the importance of a cup of tea and a biscuit. After all, why would people in the US or Australia or India care what some guy in the UK had to say?

mwidlake's picture

Friday Philosophy – Database Performance is In My Jeans

Database performance is in my jeans. Not my genes, I really do mean my jeans – an old pair of denim trousers. I look at my tatty attire keeping my legs warm and it reminds me of Oracle database performance.

comfortable, baggy, old, DW jeans

comfortable, baggy, old, DW jeans

mwidlake's picture

Friday Philosophy – If Only I Was As Good a Programmer As I Thought I Was Aged 22

I saw a tweet that made me smile a few days ago:

programmer quote

Like many of you, I started out my working life in IT as a computer programmer. Like some of you, I still am a computer programmer from time to time. I don’t think I’ve had a year of my working life when I did not do either some application development programming or some database infrastructure programming. I am constantly writing small (or not so small) SQL or PL/SQL programs to do what I do in Oracle.

mwidlake's picture

Friday Philosophy – Database Dinosaurs

I’m guessing many of you reading this are over 40. I know some of you are actually beyond the half century and a couple of you are….older! If you are younger than 40, just print out this and put it in an envelope marked “read a decade later than {current date}”. It will have become relevant for you by then…

beware the network admin

Beware the network admin – creative commons, Elvinds

mwidlake's picture

The IT Blight of Working During Holidays

I’ve been thinking today about those people in IT who are going to have to either work or be on call during the festive period. Twitter has become a lot more quiet today and most of the activity is not-work-related. My blog traffic is now a trickle and there is a general feeling of doing more family, non-work things for a couple of days, which I think is good for all of us from time to time. Maybe more times than current working culture and practices allow for.

The endless daily grind - even at Christmas

The endless daily grind – even at Christmas

mwidlake's picture

Miserable Dark Days of Winter Relieved by Data

This post is all about my fascination with short day times and hits on my blog on the topic, it is not even to do with why the day time is so short in the UK, Europe & US right now. This is nothing to do with Oracle databases or working in IT – go elsewhere and look at eg XKCD or Dilbert now if that is your thing…

mwidlake's picture

Friday Philosophy – Inspirational Tweets: Why Do They Annoy Me so Much?

A few weeks ago I saw this on the Twit Sphere:

A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.

Wow. Deep. Meaningful. Let me follow that twitter account.

No. Let me not. I looked at the account and it was just an endless stream of “Inspirational Tweets” and very little comment or content. For some reason I can’t quite understand, this sort of thing gets on my nerves. No, that’s is not strong enough. It makes me unreasonably bad-tempered and angry. The first draft I wrote on this topic was a ranting diatribe of swear-words and invective {I love that word} that was completely beyond acceptable.

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